I’m at a loss

“And further, submit to one another out of reverance for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. for husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up His life for her…In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself.”  Ephesians 5:21-25, 28.

My husband and I minister to couples both inside and outside our church. We have seen them at their best and their worst. We have been witness to God’s restoration miracle  and the devil’s irreparable attacks. Lately, I have seen more of these horrific attacks. While I know God is still a God of miracles, it appears as though Satan has achieved such a stronghold on people and they are willing to be his puppets.  I say “willing” because we know the exits when the father of lies comes calling.  God gives us the outs we need, however, we have to walk through those exits into His arms.  We are sinners and sin is fun (for a while) and therefore we stay and wallow in the muck and mire that threaten to drag us under.

I have friends that are neck deep in mud. One willingly, one not. My heart aches and breaks for both of them. While one seeks God, one seeks Satan. While one seeks wise Christian counsel, the other seeks worldly advice with devastating consequences.

Just as there is no such thing as a victimless crime, there is no such thing as sin that does not have far reaching affects. Men and women who are willing to walk away from their marriages, leave behind a devastated spouse; children who blame themselves, friends wondering how they missed the signs, a church family whose faith is rocked and others who may begin to question God. I bear witness to all of this.

What would happen if husbands and wives took Ephesians 5 a little more seriously? Maybe we would stop looking at ourselves and begin to see our spouses as the blessing and gift from God that they are. We are sinners.  We are sinful, selfish beings saved by an unconditionally loving God. If we turn to Him, He will guide our paths. We have to look beyond ourselves, beyond our own selfish desires and to Him.

To be a true follower of Jesus Christ, you have to be fully surrendered to God! ~ Allistair Begg


Life is full of choices. Some we make consciously. Others are more like breathing and we make these choices out of what seems to be reflex. I choose to get out of bed and go to work when I could, just as easily choose to stay home. I choose to eat a healthy diet when I could, just as easily, choose to eat unhealthy foods. I choose to spend time with God on a regular basis, when I could just as easily, choose to let worldly distractions keep me from Him (I admit I have done that in the past). Many years ago I chose to accept Christ as my Savior when I could’ve walked away because The Truth flew in the face of everything I was raised to believe.  One of the major choices I make everyday is to be positive in my mind and my emotions, It is not easy. There are times when I’d like to scream and rant and rave. Sometimes I envision myself as a spoiled petulant child writhing on the floor screaming until she gets what she wants.

Chuck Swindoll once said “life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how we react to it.” It took me several reads to fully understand what he was saying. You may not have any control over the situation you find yourself in. For example, someone in senior management makes a decision on how you need to complete a project. You see some of the possible pitfalls in this decision and voice them to management, management says, in essence, “just get it done!” Now you don’t have any control over what has just been demanded of you, (the ten percent). However, you do have control over your thoughts, feelings and reaction to it (the ninety percent). Let me explain. Taking the situation I just described there will be some thoughts going through your head. If you choose to have negative thoughts in your head, (i.e. “this will never work, my boss is such a jerk, I can’t believe I have to work like this) which will be the catalyst for negative emotions, such as, frustration, anger, resentment, which, in turn leads to a negative reaction such as yelling at someone, not doing a good job or quitting your job altogether.

If you take the same situation and choose to have positive thoughts such as, “let’s give this a try, maybe management sees something I don’t, maybe this will work”. These types of thoughts are positive and will lead to positive emotions such as, peace, patience, and relaxation. These positive emotions will lead to more positive reactions such as trying your best at the project, and opening a constructive dialogue to ensure project success.

While it is easier to choose the negative I encourage you to choose the positive.  If you are anything like me, the minute the ten percent happens the negative thoughts begin to play in your head like a tape recorder with no ‘off’ button. You are aware of these thoughts and that is the precise moment where you need to change the tape recorder and choose the positive thoughts because the positive outcome is so much better than the negative.

“we demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:4-6

“A Thorn in the Flesh”

“So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger from satan to harass me to keep me from becoming conceited.  Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this that it should leave me.  But He said to me “my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  For the sake of Christ then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, calamities and persecutions.  For when I am weak then I am strong.” ~ 2 Corinthians 12:7-10.

Ever since I became a Christian I have wondered about this passage.  I questioned my seminary professors, I listened to many preachers’ interpretation of this passage.  I’ve read commentaries and scholarly articles that attempt to pick apart this passage.  Apparently, Paul’s “thorn in the flesh” is quite a popular topic of conversation in Christian circles.  There have been many hypothesis regarding the identity of the “thorn.” The overwhelming response…no one knows.  We cannot specifically identify the thorn.

What is the thorn in your flesh? We all have one. That nagging challenge, situation, mind-set, SIN, that besets you.   Mine nags me when I’m at work, when I’m with clients, when I’m with my family, when I sleep it comes out in my dreams and when I’m at church.  It is ALWAYS there.  Not always in the forefront of my mind but in the background.  It seems to cause thoughts to pop in my head that are not positive or Godly and compels me to participate in an emotional spiral that lands me in the depression pit.

What can be done about this thorn?  I have recently come to the conclusion that I have been living under a lie.  I have believed that God should fix all my problems.  That is a lie straight from the pit.  He has the ability to fix to my problems and I should definitely pray to Him and rely on Him in the midst of my problems, but there is nothing in Scripture that says he HAS to fix all my problems.

We need to counteract this lie with several truths. (from Nancy Leigh DeMoss and her book Lies Women Believe)

Truth #1:  God is more concerned about glorifying Himself and changing me than about solving my problems.  (2 Corinthians 4:17) Life is going to be hard.  Scripture says “you will have trials.” Changing yourself is difficult and takes time.  We live in a society of quick fixes.  Hungry, there’s fast food, have a headache, take a Tylenol, need to cook dinner on the fly, pop something in the microwave, need to lose 20 pounds, take a pill, have surgery.  We are all looking for the band-aid but the truth is we have a gaping, oozing wound and a little bandage only covers it up.

Truth #2: God wants to use my problems as part of His sanctifying process in my life.  (Job 23:10) God uses our problems to mold and shape us into the image of His Son, Jesus Christ.  It is only when we internalize this truth that we will experience that “peace that surpasses all understanding” even in the midst of our circumstances.

Truth #3: No matter what problem I am facing, God’s grace is sufficient for me. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)  We want God to wave His magic wand and fix all our problems. Truth is, God is using your problems to make you stronger, more like Him  and to reveal His power to the world in the middle of your weaknesses.

It is time to reframe our thinking and look at our problems as opportunities.  The opportunity to reveal Christ to a hurting world.  THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE!!!!!

True Healing

Years ago I remember standing in my fuzzy teddy bear robe, my Michigan, wool-lined slippers and a hot cup of coffee in my hands waving goodbye to my precious children as the morning carpool drives slowly off into the early morning sunrise.  I close the door.

Ahhhhh! A few rare moments alone before the daily hustle and bustle kick in.  I put my feet up and start flipping through the channels on our television trying to find out what’s been happening in the world while I was asleep.

Well, before I even made it to CNN my remote skidded to a halt on an HBO special about the so-called faith healers.   The cathedral was breathtaking; the attendees jumping, clapping, weeping and dancing in the aisles; the choir regally dressed in purple and gold; the orchestra vehemently bringing the music to a heart-pounding crescendo.  Then he makes his entrance, dressed in white, silver hair gleaming under the stage lights, the conductor of this great performance.  Leaping, jumping around on stage, yelling to be heard over the throng of the thousands of witnesses to this symphony.  He asks “do you want to be healed?!?”  “Yes!!!!” cry thousands of people looking for the external healing that this man claims he can bring.  He cries, “I feel a presence in this room tonight, a healing presence!”  Hundreds are hand-picked by the conductor’s apprentices and they make their way to the stage.  In wheelchairs, on crutches, limping, some even on stretchers they come, believing in this man.  The conductor says “rise” and they rise.  “Walk” and they walk.

Sounds good doesn’t it?  Too good to be true.  Well….it is!  I suppose I should tell you that while this man was leaping around on stage “healing” people, a scientist was talking in the background.  He was saying how he has been able to recreate all of this in the laboratory.  He was able to take people and put them in a sensory deprivation chamber, hook up electrodes to certain areas of the brain and recreate that feeling of euphoria, that sense of a “presence” in the room, even that feeling of healing.   The music rising and falling at certain intervals: the colors of the choir robes: the size of the cathedral: and thousands of people suffering from emotional struggles, physical pain, mood disorders, and the belief that they will be healed: all of this can cause certain chemicals to be released into the brain thus giving those in the wheelchairs, and on the crutches that momentary ability to get up and walk (i.e. the placebo effect).  Notice the word “momentary.”  The people who were “healed” at this man’s performances did not achieve any lasting effect.  In fact, most of them were back in the wheelchairs and on the crutches in only hours after this event.

People continually look for the external “feel goods” and external sources to make their lives better, to find happiness, security, healing or inner peace.  We look to crystals, aromatherapy, new age, cults, psychics, and astrology to find peace and tranquillity.  All of it is pure nonsense and it is only temporary.

God, Our Father is the author of permanent inner peace, of permanent healing, how to make our lives better.   He is our only hope of finding true happiness and security.  Peace can be yours for the asking.  Why look for something that only lasts a moment, that only feels good temporarily, when Jesus longs to give you the ultimate peace, and tranquillity that will last eternally? He loves you just as you are and He died for you just as you are: flaws and all.  Come to Him.  Surrender yourself to the One who died for you on Calvary.  He’s waiting with open arms.

Discount Divorce

Discount Divorce – Fast and Easy…When “til’ death us do part” takes too long

I couldn’t believe my eyes.  That’s exactly the wording on a billboard I read recently.  I had to read it four or five times to make sure I was seeing it correctly.  In essence this advertisement recommends that when it takes too long for your spouse to die, it’s time to get a divorce.  I don’t think this is what God had in mind when He created marriage.

In Genesis 2:18, 20-24 we see God’s intent for marriage.  The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him.”  So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh.  Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.  The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman’ for she was taken out of man.”  For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.   God gave marriage as a gift to Adam and Eve.  They were created perfect for each other.  Marriage is designed by God and has three basic concepts: 1) the man leaves his parents and in a public act (the wedding ceremony) promises himself to his wife; 2) the man and woman are joined together and in doing so promise to take responsibility for each other’s welfare and also promise to love the mate above all others and; 3) the two become one flesh in the intimacy and commitment of sexual union that is reserved for marriage.

How about looking at Matthew 19:6 “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”    God intended marriage to be permanent.  Let’s think about the first marriage.  Adam and Eve.  Everything was perfect when they started out.  They had Paradise as their home, had all their needs met and God dwelt among them.  I imagine they talked about everything to each other, shared activities, ate meals together, prayed together.  They had it all.  Until one day things got bad.  Because of human nature both the man and woman sinned.  God punished them each in their own way and cast them out of the Garden.  Now, they had messed up pretty bad.   Adam could’ve blamed Eve for being tempted by the serpent and starting this whole mess.  Eve could’ve come up with some excuse like because Adam wasn’t spending enough time with her and the serpent paid attention to her that was what caused this disaster.   They COULD’VE said those things….but they didn’t.  They could’ve called it quits and left each other to take care of themselves on their own but they didn’t.  They stuck together through good times and bad and God was the center of their union.  It is only when God is the center that everything else falls into place.  God comes first then your spouse.  If you put God first in your life and in your marriage everything goes a little smoother.  Not to say we will have it easy because we won’t.

God tells us in His Word that we will have trials but those trials are made for us to depend on the One who can carry us through them.  Depend on the Lord who created you and your spouse.  He created you for his pleasure and his purpose.  He created a helpmate to stand beside you.  Don’t run away when things get rough, instead run into the arms of your Father who loves you and will help you work through whatever it is you are facing.

Focusing on the Smaller Picture

The longer I am a Christian and the longer I allow God to take control, the more I am convinced that He has an amazing sense of humor.  I believe He thoroughly enjoys talking to us when we least expect it. I remember not too long ago actually getting up the energy to get down on my hands and knees to scrub my floor.  So you can get a complete picture, I’m on my hands and knees with a scrub brush, I’m wearing kneepads and I’m singing several choruses of the Cinderella song.  You know the one, “Cinderelly, Cinderelly all I hear is Cinderelly.”  Anyway, so with sweat trickling from my brow and my fingers all pruny-looking from the water, this is when God chooses to speak to me.  I’m thinking about entire floor I have to scrub and I’m not very happy.  Well, God says to me: “look at the small square of tile in front of you, don’t think about the entire floor.”

That’s when it hits me.  WHAM, right upside the head:

Matthew 6:34 says “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

As Christians we have assurance from the One and Only God that He has a plan for us.  There is a reason He put us here on His earth and why He keeps us here.  However, even firm assurance from God the Almighty, doesn’t keep us from questioning, seeking and desiring the foreknowledge that He has.  We want to see what lies ahead.  But you know what, I don’t know if I’d want to see what lies ahead of me before it’s time.  What lies ahead might be the deepest, darkest, longest, most treacherous trial of my entire life.  Now, if I saw that in my future would I still eagerly walk down the path, that God has chosen for me, if I knew that it was going to lead me there?  God tells us in His Word that we will have trials, we will have pain.  As Christians we will be persecuted for our faith.  Some Christians today are being persecuted, tortured, and even martyred for their faith.  However, we have assurance from God that He knows what lies ahead, He has been there, and will be there with us.

Deuteronomy 31:8 “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you;’ he will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” 

What a statement of unconditional love from the Father! No matter what happens in this life, we have His promise that He has seen what lies ahead and He will be there with us.  We need to stop relying on ourselves and surrender to Him.

Don’t obsess about the past (He has seen you through it); stop worrying about tomorrow (He is already there); surrender today to Him (He is here with you now). 

Attitude Control

Has God ever given you a holy nudge? Several years ago, I went in for my yearly Mammogram and the doctor found something.  I did not receive a phone call regarding the finding, just a letter stating they’d found something irregular and needed to check previous films.  For two long days I waited, prayed, waited and prayed some more and so did a lot of my friends and family  As always, God hears and answers the sincere prayers of His children.  The result?  I’m fine.   Nothing physically wrong and no further investigation was needed.  Wrong!  There was a lot of further investigation needed, by me.  God tells us He is to come first in our lives.  God must be in the driver’s seat of our lives, if we are to experience the full, abundant life that is promised us.  My priorities were not in order.  I  had put things before God.  That’s why I called this time in my life my “wake up nudge.”  God gave me a little nudge and told me to get things in the right order.  I’m still working on it and with God’s help, I can do anything.  How are you doing with your priority list?  What is first in your life?  Is it money, possessions, work, status?  Do you put things above God?  Let me encourage you to get your priorities straight.

Matthew 6:33 says “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”   1 Kings 22:5 and 2 Chronicles 18:4 both state this;  “first seek the counsel of the Lord.” God is obviously telling us, His children, to look to him first in ALL things.  Not just when things are going bad or we need help getting through a tough day.  We must look to Him first, for everything, not just when our lives are rough but also when things are going good.

What stops us from putting God first?  Hmmmmm…. Wait.  Let me guess. Our own stubborn need to be in control?  Could that be it?  I know for me that bell rings more true than I would like.  As fallible, imperfect human beings we have a desire to be in control of everything.  You know what I’ve found out?  God does a lot better at controlling my life than I do.

I’d like to close with a story I heard from a very wise pastor.  He told about fighter pilots and how their planes would sometimes go into a stall, totally and completely out of control.  As the jet would accelerate toward the spinning earth below, the pilot would try, in vain, to correct the plane’s attitude on their own. The plane was equipped with a special device that if the pilot ever got into a stall situation, all he would have to do is let go of the control stick and the plane would attempt to correct itself.  The plane’s computer would pull it out of trouble if only the pilot would submit control.  It’s the same with God.  He longs to take over in our lives if we would only submit them to him.  I encourage you to submit the “stick” of your life to God and let Him control your “attitude”.  Believe me, He does a much better job on our lives than we ever could.